The Chibi Teazer Show
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: This is a parody of an American Talkshow. Don't like, don't read. Please read! (and review.. thanx all!)


This is my first and last (unless I get heaps of good reviews) time that I will do a 'Jellicle Talk Show'. Personally I only watch them because it's funny how stupid some of the people on them are. And I only watch them in the holidays, which are… *sigh* like 8 weeks away…. Anyway… please R/R this fic. It does make me feel better to know that someone reads it. Thanx  
  
~Chibi Teazer~  
  
  
  
THE ~CHIBI TEAZER~ SHOW  
  
(We see a large room filled with an audience. People including many cats fanfic writers and other such CATS fans. It has a stage and immense clapping is heard when the red "on-air" button flashes. Suddenly your host appears.)  
  
CT – Hello all! I have acquired some bodyguards since the last few ficcies. (Points to the door where we see four large CATS, probably supplied by Macavity, guarding it) So we'll all be safe from angry Jellicles. I'm ~Chibi Teazer~ and I will be your host for this show! Now the topic for today is: Jellicle Secrets Revealed! (The title flashes across the screen and the audience clap loudly) Now our first guest on the show is everyone's favourite Red queen, Bombalurina. (Bombi comes out through a door. Funnily enough she is happy to do so and is not being dragged against her will or anything like that)  
  
Bombi – Hello Chibi Teazer.  
  
CT – Hello Bombi. Now we are here today to tell your secret.  
  
Bombi – That's right.  
  
CT – And what is that secret?  
  
Bombi – Well I'm not really in love with the Rum Tum Tugger.  
  
(A universal gasp goes up in the audience.)  
  
CT – And why is it that you always seem to be following him round if you don't love him.  
  
Bombi – Well, I'm trying to get this other tom's attention but he just won't notice me.  
  
CT – Well, shall we bring out the Rum Tum Tugger and see what he has to say about this?  
  
Audience – YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!  
  
(Rum Tum Tugger enters through a stage door. The audience cheer him onstage)  
  
Tugger – Wow! What a reception! (Notices Bombi and gives her a peck on the cheek) Hey babe!  
  
CT – Okay Tugger, so what is your relationship with this Queen?  
  
Tugger – Well, she's sort of like my gal.  
  
CT – How can she be sort of your gal?  
  
Tugger – Well, she's not the only queen I date. (Crowd say 'ooooooaaaaaahhh…') Hey, it aint a crime!  
  
CT – No it's not but Bombi is here to tell you something.  
  
Bombi – Sure am. And here it is Tugger. It's over.  
  
Tugger – Huh?  
  
Bombi – It's over, I'm sick to death of you.  
  
Tugger – (looking almost desperate) But I thought you loved me!  
  
Bombi – As if! I was using you to get to…  
  
CT – Now Bombi, we don't want to give that away just yet. But now we will meet one of the queens competing for Tugger's affections!  
  
(A door opens and out comes Etcetera. She walks over to a platform does a little twist, shakes her booty and then walks over, ignores the seat next to Tugger and sits in his lap.)  
  
CT – Etcetera. Can you tell me how you feel about the tom you are sitting on?  
  
Etc – Oh, I love him.  
  
CT – Are you sure? How do you know if you love him?  
  
Tugger – Are you trying to make me lose girlfriends or something???!!??! Cause if you are just quit it!!  
  
CT – Well, no. We don't make you lose girlfriends here we just fiddle around with relationships. Please come back after this commercial break to see who Bombi's in love with!  
  
(Cut to the commercial break. We see a kitten, who turns out to be Jemima, sitting in a basket.)  
  
Jemi – Do you get fleas? Or ticks? Or worms? Well I haven't had that problem since I started using (Lifts up a bottle of powder) this flea powder from "The Really Useless Company Ltd!" (I am certainly not saying that the Really Useful Company is useless or anything cause if we didn't have them well, no CATS so Thankyou Really Useful Company!) It takes car of my fleas and ticks and worms while moisturising my skin so that I feel nice when I'm in the bath. So buy this product for only $9.99 at your local pet shop now!  
  
(Back to ~Chibi Teazer~)  
  
CT – Hello, If you're just joining us this is my talk show: ~Chibi Teazer~. And today we are showing… (The audience say the topic with enthusiasm and it flashes across the screen) Now we have just seen the biggest breakup since Michael and Lisa-Marie! Bombi has just dumped the Rum Tum Tugger! For someone else! Bombi, can you tell us a bit about who you have a crush on?  
  
Bombi – Certainly. He's incredibly handsome and has this gorgeous white face. He's really nice to everyone and has some incredible hidden talents.  
  
Tugger – Oh dear lord…. You are kidding me!  
  
Bombi – Nuh uh.  
  
CT – Shall we bring him out!!  
  
Audience – YEEEEEEAAHHHHH YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
CT – Okay, please come out Mr X!  
  
Mr X – (A gasp goes out through the crowd as we see who it is) Hello CT. Nice to see you again.  
  
CT – Are you kiddin' me!?  
  
Bombi – No way. This is the hunk of my dreams! (She goes over to him and gives him a big hug. {Consider the fact that she is like a foot taller than everyone in CATS} He then sits him down next to her.)  
  
CT – Well! Lets see how Mr X feels about you shall we?  
  
Misto – Well, Bombi is I guess every tom's dream girl right? (looking at all the other toms in the audience, who nod.) And I spose I'm no exception. I love Bombi heaps!  
  
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….  
  
Tugger – You are dumping me for my best friend!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Bombi – That's right sweetie pie.  
  
Misto – Fraid so.  
  
CT – Shall we bring out our next scandal???  
  
Audience – YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!  
  
CT – Alright then. Our next guest (As she is saying this the bodyguards are setting up chairs.. see how it works?) is a Tom and he has a thing for him partner. He's very shy about this and doesn't know how to tell her. Only problem is that everyone thinks they are brother and sister!  
  
Audience – OOOOOOOOhhhhhhh….  
  
Audience member 1 – I bet it's Coricopat.  
  
Audience member 2 – No way, it's gotta be Pouncival and Jemi!  
  
CT – Well, you're both wrong! Ha ha! (Silenced by a flying set of rules. Sees that she is not allowed to laugh at the audience and apologises.) It is in fact, my favourite pair, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. Lets bring Mungo out.  
  
Mungo – (Enters from a side door, you know how many of them there are on Ricki Lake?) 'ello ~Chibi Teaza~. 'Ow are you todai?  
  
CT – Great thanks Mungo. Lets get to the problem at hand shall we? You wanna tell us?  
  
Mungo – Well ya see. Oi fell in love wif moi par'na in croime, Rumpleteaza. Ya see the only problem wif tha' is tha' everyone finks we're brotha and sista. I can assure ya we're no'. Jenny 'as proof!  
  
CT – Lets bring Jenny out.  
  
Jenny – (Enters from… you guessed it… a side door) (She enters tripping all over herself, looking slightly hung over) I can tell you now, that Jerriemungo and Teazerrumple are two very considerate flowerpots who are in no way bottles of glue and are not two fish in a tank! Jerriemungo is not Teazerrumple's uncle and they both went to Tugger's house for fish and chips last night. (Both Mungo and ~Chibi Teazer~ blink) Furthermore I'd like to say that Shkimbleskaks is the hottest cat alive and I wanna go and buy a red car and eat sealing wax. (She faints on the floor)  
  
CT – Okay… I think that we now know that Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie are not siblings. (Looks away from the camera over to one of her bodyguards) (Whispers) Remove her from the set. Quick!  
  
Tugger – (All of them are still on set: Bombi, Misto, Etcetera and Tugger) I don't think she's gotten over all those fics where me and Misto are well…. You know….  
  
CT – Okay… um… lets bring out Rumpleteazer!  
  
Teazer – (Enters, running rather quick with a black half mask over her face black gloves on and a sack over her shoulder.) Er… woteva they sai I ain' dunnit.  
  
CT – Okay…  
  
Mungo – Didja go on an 'eist wifou' me??  
  
Teazer – Uh… yeah?  
  
Mungo – How could you!!  
  
Teazer – Look! You aren' tha boss a me! You can' make me do fings tha' oi don' wonna do!  
  
Mungo – I know (now sulking) Bu' I fough' tha' you woulda invi'ed me too.  
  
Teazer – Look oi'm here now ain' oi? Ya aske' me ta be here an' oi am!  
  
Mungo – Yeah bu' it ain' qui'e tha saime fing is I'?!  
  
Teazer – (Shrugs, then looks to ~Chibi Teazer~) I spose oi shoul' ask ya whoi oim here cause I' sure don' look loike one of em plaiys tha' you 'ad us doin'.  
  
CT – Indeed you are not doing those plays. Mungo here has something to tell you!  
  
Teazer – Look, oi've tol' yer soooo many toims. Oi didn' taike yer milk, or yer chew toi. It musta been sum offa ca' burglar!  
  
Mungo – (Under his breath) As if (To Teazer) Well, oi actully caime ta ask ya a questin.  
  
Teazer – Maike it quick would yer. The family are afta us cause I spilled three tinsa pain' ova the lounge sweet.  
  
Mungo – Tha' woz you? (looks at her with stars in his eyes)  
  
Teaze – Yep, an they weren' ta pleased 'bout it. (Looks slightly bemused with her necklace which has gotten tangled with her sack)  
  
Mungo – (Getting down on one knee in the traditional pose)  
  
Teazer – Wotcha doin down there? Shall I come daown to? (Goes to get down on the floor)  
  
Mungo – NO! This is how it has ta be. Oi havta be daown 'ere and you 'ave ta stand up there!  
  
Teazer – Oh right.. (Corrects herself.)  
  
CT – Oh!! This is sooooooo sweeeeeet!!  
  
Mungo – Teaze, (mumbles something inaudible)  
  
Teazer – Huh?  
  
Mungo – Oi said, (looks into her eyes) Will ya be moi mai'e?  
  
Teaze – Oi though' I already woz?! (Looks a slight bit confused)  
  
Mungo – I spose oi jus' 'ad ter ask yer proply loike.  
  
Teaze – Oh. Yeah, oi'll be yer maite. (She grins. They hug audience 'awwws')  
  
CT – Well! That was a success story. We have one final guest on our show for today. She is here to announce her resignation as the tribe doctor and is going to become a nun.  
  
(Crowd make a funny face, a few of them leave.)  
  
CT – Well, maybe we'll save that until next time? (looking very distressed) After this break we'll be back with my 'final mews'. (Pun of that thingy at the end of Jerry Springer… not that I've watched Jerry Springer of course ;P)  
  
(Cut to add break)  
  
(We see Demeter and Bombalurina in a pet shop)  
  
Demi – You may think that the pet shop is an animals nightmare!  
  
Bombi – But it isn't! Look at all this cool stuff!! (Walks over to the CAT area and fiddles with a ball.)  
  
Demi – We do like receiving pressies from our owners! (Looks at Bombi who has managed to break a catnip ball and is now in a rather 'strange' mood.)  
  
Bombi – c-c-c-c-c-c-ca----a-----tt-ttttttt---nnnnnnnnnnn—iiiiiiiiii----- ppppppppppppp!!!!!!  
  
Demi – Uh oh….. anyway we like things from you like: Litter trays, chewie toys like mice, dogs, frogs, lizards, pigs, cows and other ones like that, we like cream, milk, fresh litter…….  
  
Bombi – Mmeoeoioewwq CCCaaatt---ni--------pppppppp!!!!1 MMMmeeeeoqoqwoejewqqq (If you think it is impossible to pronounce those words you obviously haven't seen Bombi on catnip before have you?)  
  
Demi – and we like fresh meat and fish for dinner, nice leather collars, diamond encrusted ones are preferred of course but ones with spikes will do, we want to have fresh fish from a tin at least once a week…..  
  
Bombi – meeeeeeeeeew…. Fi==---s-==-h=-=- Meoooooowwwwww!!!!1  
  
Demi – (Still talking nonsense until she is startled by a new arrival)  
  
Viccy – So please don't forget to get us a treatie from your nearest pet shop now!  
  
Demi – (Hissing) What are you doing????  
  
Viccy – Did you even read the script???  
  
Demi – I didn't know there was one…  
  
(Quick cut back to the ~Chibi Teazer~ Show.)  
  
CT – And, after that add break we have my final mew.  
  
FINAL MEW:  
  
CT – We have seen today the 'real' Tugger, Misto, Bombi and other cats but we advise all kitties that this is not how they should regularly practice. We don't want you stealing like Mungo and Rumple, we don't want you drunk like Jenny no matter what you are getting over, we don't want you cheating like Tugger and we certainly don't want little kits like Etcetera going out with fully grown males like Tugger. Now that I have babbled on for this time I think I'll go and play on my computer. Thankyou and goodbye!  
  
~Finis~  
  
Pretty lame wasn't it…. Oh well, reviews are always welcome…. As said in a few of my past fics if you wanna get into contact with me for suggestions, comments, flames (not necessary really) or anything else you can find me at:  
  
rumpleteazers_mingvase@hotmail.com  
  
(A true Rumpleteazer fan ;P) 


End file.
